Throughout this process I had a day when I went through the anger stage. It wasn’t fair. I looked at my brother & sister - I could only think of the milestones they’d encounter without their mom. I was mad the situation & the way she was taken from us. But then I began to think about her & who she was.
She loved her kids. She was never the PTA mom, or the event organizer mom - not that there’s anything wrong with that - She was never proud of herself as a mom, but in awe that we were her kids. We were her badge of mom-honor. She couldn’t believe that she got to be the mom of us three monkeys. She was the friend mom. The mom that our friends would come to the house even if we weren’t around & she’d make mashed potatoes at their request. She’d always have some new food concoction for us to try.
I say concoction because sometimes her experiments failed. But she'd just say "Not the best, but the funniest". She'd laugh through her mistakes as she dusted herself off. Our friend’s loved our mom. She’d get down on our level and listen to our ideas, our jokes, our dreams.
She’d start a conversation by saying “tell me stories.” She wanted to hear what we had to say & she never treated us like we were a stupid kid with overly big ambitions.
I wanted to work in theater. I was really good at set design, I loved to build. But I thought it silly to dream about doing something like that professionally. Mom didn’t understand why I didn’t think myself good enough. She supported my dreams. She took me to New York after I graduated high school, she found a free internship offer for me at Starlight Theater. I ended up getting paid in college to be a set design & builder. Mom was always our biggest cheerleader.
My dreams evolved & changed from theater, but mom was the one to ask “Why not try?” I’ve always been afraid to try, because I’ve always been afraid of failure. Mom would teach us to use failure as fuel. She could always laugh at the mistakes & turn failure into a positive. Mom encouraged us to be daring. She loved to try new things. Thinking about her character I was no longer mad, but sad that my kids would miss out on her. That my brother & sister will miss out.
And then I was given this verse: Romans 8:39“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
As humans we have this beautiful gift of Christ love. We emulate it when loving one another. It's what makes this moment so hard. We can love so deeply we don't want to let go.
We were all given this beautiful gift who was my mom. I realized I could take her with us as we go through the milestones. My brother, sister, & I can continue to laugh through the mistakes & use failure as fuel to try again.
As my boys grow I can encourage them as mom cheered for me. I’ll take the time to get to know my kid’s friends & make them food at their request. Barring a few limitations.
As I have more conversations with my boys I’ll get down on their level & ask them to tell me stories. I'll teach them that sometimes it's OK if you're not the best. You can be the funniest. I encourage mom's loved ones to do the same.
That as we create new stories to tell we take mom with us in sharing her character with others.
