In college I was always planning for my future. Maybe it’s just me, but college was all about working hard today so you could enjoy your ‘someday’. Don’t get me wrong I had fun – it was college – but my 18-20 some odd-self felt a lot of pressure to those standard questions: “What is your major?” or “What do you want to do in life?” I know the people asking these questions mean well and are just interested in what young minds aspire to be. I find myself asking my brother’s & sister the same questions now. Looking on the other side of it, I ask them these questions because the sky is the limit for them. I’m so excited for their journey they will soon be taking. I don’t mean to put pressure on my sibling’s – I’m intrigued because I know how brilliant they are and I can’t wait to see what inspires them.
However, being 18 I remember how hard it was to figure out what I really wanted. And if I don’t know what I want how can I prepare for my future? How can I make my tomorrow better?
Well, I worked hard to be a set designer. I did this because I love to build, and people told me I was good at it. I think I was too. I worked hard to make my tomorrow better, so when I graduated everything would be easy. At least that was the mindset I had and I trained for. I couldn’t be more wrong. There were so many times I worried about making tomorrow that I didn’t live for my today. I never expected my interest’s to change. Now my life looks different than what I had planned for. And it couldn’t be better.
However, being 18 I remember how hard it was to figure out what I really wanted. And if I don’t know what I want how can I prepare for my future? How can I make my tomorrow better?
Well, I worked hard to be a set designer. I did this because I love to build, and people told me I was good at it. I think I was too. I worked hard to make my tomorrow better, so when I graduated everything would be easy. At least that was the mindset I had and I trained for. I couldn’t be more wrong. There were so many times I worried about making tomorrow that I didn’t live for my today. I never expected my interest’s to change. Now my life looks different than what I had planned for. And it couldn’t be better.
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| My set design for Evangel University's production: A Mid-Summer Night's Dream. Photo by: Jeanette Schaaf |
When others were asking me those questions about my future I wish I knew their thoughts the way I probably do now. To me, I had limitations. I couldn’t reach the sky. So I had to keep my dreams on the ground in order to be happy. But when I ask those questions to my sibling’s I truly believe they are capable of anything.
Today, I have a wonderful husband and an incredible son. I really love it, and I never expected it. My after college plans are nothing like I planned them to be. But I still catch myself living for tomorrow.
Ryan and I are saving and planning for a house, we plan on having more children some day – a while away. We work hard to give our boy a great life. Sometimes I can disappear into the world of tomorrow wondering how we are ever going to accomplish such feats. How will we get to where I want our family to be? There’s nothing wrong for wishing better in your life, but in my experience I have wasted so much precious time in hoping that tomorrow will be perfect.
I have this terrible thinking process that creeps into my mind. “Once we buy a house then we will be happy." or "Once Ryan finishes this class then we will be happy." If I keep chasing tomorrow I will never catch up to the happiness of today. If I keep chasing tomorrow I will lose touch of the relationships I hold most dear. Luckily, my sweet boy reminds me of this daily. He is just about 5 short months from being two. I know its cliche, but it really is the must true statement: They grow up so fast.
Ryan and I are saving and planning for a house, we plan on having more children some day – a while away. We work hard to give our boy a great life. Sometimes I can disappear into the world of tomorrow wondering how we are ever going to accomplish such feats. How will we get to where I want our family to be? There’s nothing wrong for wishing better in your life, but in my experience I have wasted so much precious time in hoping that tomorrow will be perfect.
I have this terrible thinking process that creeps into my mind. “Once we buy a house then we will be happy." or "Once Ryan finishes this class then we will be happy." If I keep chasing tomorrow I will never catch up to the happiness of today. If I keep chasing tomorrow I will lose touch of the relationships I hold most dear. Luckily, my sweet boy reminds me of this daily. He is just about 5 short months from being two. I know its cliche, but it really is the must true statement: They grow up so fast.
The beginning of January I was writing in my planner month by month documenting everything we have to look forward to. My boy reached up and put his hand on my face to get my attention. It was such an 'Earth to Lexy' moment for me. He was longing for my time and I was busy thinking about the times ahead. I don’t want to miss this precious time while I’m wishing for tomorrow.
For me, I take trials extremely hard and I really drag my feet through them. But if I find a small sparkle of light to enjoy in the moment it can make those times just a little easier. If I can really immerse myself in today I can focus on the people around me. I can make memories with my family. And maybe, just maybe, I can get lost in the moment I’m living for.
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