Today. Tomorrow. Someday.

In college I was always planning for my future. Maybe it’s just me, but college was all about working hard today so you could enjoy your ‘someday’. Don’t get me wrong I had fun – it was college – but my 18-20 some odd-self felt a lot of pressure to those standard questions: “What is your major?” or “What do you want to do in life?” I know the people asking these questions mean well and are just interested in what young minds aspire to be. I find myself asking my brother’s & sister the same questions now. Looking on the other side of it, I ask them these questions because the sky is the limit for them. I’m so excited for their journey they will soon be taking. I don’t mean to put pressure on my sibling’s – I’m intrigued because I know how brilliant they are and I can’t wait to see what inspires them.

However, being 18 I remember how hard it was to figure out what I really wanted. And if I don’t know what I want how can I prepare for my future? How can I make my tomorrow better?

Well, I worked hard to be a set designer. I did this because I love to build, and people told me I was good at it. I think I was too. I worked hard to make my tomorrow better, so when I graduated everything would be easy. At least that was the mindset I had and I trained for. I couldn’t be more wrong. There were so many times I worried about making tomorrow that I didn’t live for my today. I never expected my interest’s to change. Now my life looks different than what I had planned for. And it couldn’t be better.

My set design for Evangel University's production: A Mid-Summer Night's Dream.  Photo by: Jeanette Schaaf

When others were asking me those questions about my future I wish I knew their thoughts the way I probably do now. To me, I had limitations. I couldn’t reach the sky. So I had to keep my dreams on the ground in order to be happy. But when I ask those questions to my sibling’s I truly believe they are capable of anything. 

Today, I have a wonderful husband and an incredible son. I really love it, and I never expected it. My after college plans are nothing like I planned them to be. But I still catch myself living for tomorrow.

Ryan and I are saving and planning for a house, we plan on having more children some day – a while away. We work hard to give our boy a great life. Sometimes I can disappear into the world of tomorrow wondering how we are ever going to accomplish such feats. How will we get to where I want our family to be? There’s nothing wrong for wishing better in your life, but in my experience I have wasted so much precious time in hoping that tomorrow will be perfect.

I have this terrible thinking process that creeps into my mind. “Once we buy a house then we will be happy." or "Once Ryan finishes this class then we will be happy." If I keep chasing tomorrow I will never catch up to the happiness of today. If I keep chasing tomorrow I will lose touch of the relationships I hold most dear. Luckily, my sweet boy reminds me of this daily. He is just about 5 short months from being two. I know its cliche, but it really is the must true statement: They grow up so fast. 

The beginning of January I was writing in my planner month by month documenting everything we have to look forward to. My boy reached up and put his hand on my face to get my attention. It was such an 'Earth to Lexy' moment for me. He was longing for my time and I was busy thinking about the times ahead. I don’t want to miss this precious time while I’m wishing for tomorrow.

For me, I take trials extremely hard and I really drag my feet through them. But if I find a small sparkle of light to enjoy in the moment it can make those times just a little easier. If I can really immerse myself in today I can focus on the people around me. I can make memories with my family. And maybe, just maybe, I can get lost in the moment I’m living for.

Exposure to Light

When I was in high school I hesitated getting a Facebook account. I was worried it would take over my life updating my page trying to make myself look cool while still keeping an effortless composure. I created an account in college. I promised myself I’d never post selfies or write long lengthy notes that were deep and meaningful in my 18 year old mind. Because chances are I’d look back and face-palm with regret. I would be critical of myself wishing I could have adjusted my post to fit the image I wanted to show. But this is the internet. Once you expose yourself it’s there.

I was wary about all social media as it exploded in my generation, but I eventually converted to many social media outlets. And I know by this point you’re probably wondering why I’m creating this blog if I’m wary about putting myself out there on the internet, but trust me when I say I’ll get to that.

For me, I’ve had to take a step back from all these sites. I had to realize what they are for and how I can use them responsibly.

I used Twitter as a way to try to look witty, but in reality I thought long and hard about what to tweet and how it could be funny. I used Instagram as a way to make myself look fun. I’d take pictures of things I was doing, places I visited, or images of me on a good day. (And by good day I mean good hair day).

I used these outlets to make myself look interesting. I wanted to create this image of a perfect person. Someone smart, funny, cute, and innovative. Someone who has it together.

In reality I was saying ‘Look at me’ because when I looked at my friend’s profiles, quotes, and pictures and I thought they had it together. Their lives were perfect, their thoughts were innovative, and their pictures were flawless--and I should be that way too.

And now I’m writing this blog. I’m writing this post to say I’m not perfect. My project’s don’t always turn out. Sometimes I enjoy vegging out to a mindless movie and turning off my brain. And most days I enjoy wearing no makeup and comfy clothes.   

I don’t fault anyone for promoting the good things in their life, and I don’t discourage anyone from expressing themselves. I just want to be honest. My plan for this blog is not show off myself or lie to you as the reader about who I am. I am an everyday mom who relies solely on the Lord. I have everyday problems and I enjoy expressing myself through my passions, and that’s what will be seen here.  

We cannot escape the social media. I fear young adults have more challenges becoming who they are when they have all these social examples around them telling them who they should become. Use these outlets as a way to encourage yourself and make yourself stronger. I encourage you to be yourself and love who you are. Don’t conform to the world. Be who you want to be. For me, that is relying on God. My looking glass of myself and the world is broken. Sometimes I can be pessimistic about life. I have a hard time finding joy in the everyday miserable, wonderful, thing that is called life. Sometimes it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Relying on Christ lets me see myself and his creations for how he truly intended them to be. Fearfully and wonderfully made. He helps me seek my joy.

I believe that God has created everyone to be unique. To go with the trend is fine, (I do it all the time) but for me, knowing who I am through Christ is the greatest blessing. But just because I have the Lord doesn’t make him a superhero that has the power to make everything super awesome in my life. Life will always be hard. This God who I lean upon has created me and given me these funny quirks that make me who I am. It’s so cool to think that out of the billions of people in this world not one is exactly alike.

I hope this message encourages you to promote joy in your life. I’m just warning readers now perfection is not the purpose of this blog. My purpose is to post fun projects and share pieces of my life. I’m a faulty human who makes mistakes and leans upon the Lord for everything -- and I love it.